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Viewpoint from Jane Walters 08/12/2023
 Jane Walters
Jane Walters, formerly Clamp, is the author of Too Soon, a mother’s journey through miscarriage (SPCK) and a regular contributor to Premier Radio and UCB. She is also vice-chair of the Association of Christian Writers. Jane leads creative writing retreats and is a popular speaker locally and further afield
Visit: janewyattwalters.com
Am I Brave?
I started going grey more than twenty years ago – prematurely, I might add! For a while, I covered it up with a natural-looking brown; but soon had something of a revelation: why, I could colour it any shade I liked! The next few years saw a succession of various shades of purple, mahogany and even blue (when I picked up the wrong box) until I got fed up of it all and let myself go grey. Fast forward, and I was bored once more. Enter my trademark bright pink fringe. Everywhere I go, women admire it and tell me they would love to do something similar but – and here’s the clincher – ‘I’m not brave enough
 It makes me question what bravery actually is. Would I abseil down a church tower? No; not even if it was for a very, very good charity. Would I run back into a burning building to rescue a child’s beloved teddy bear? Again, no. How about serving overseas, or meeting a bear in the wild…? Frankly, it all makes me feel like I’m a bit of a wuss; and, in any case, having a coloured fringe has nothing to do with courage and is all about the fun, in my opinion
I guess it’s easier to see ‘brave’ in someone else is: a friend facing a difficult diagnosis; the family member re-inventing themselves after a shock redundancy; the newly bereaved, left tending young children alone. I wonder if they would testify to their inner strength and fortitude. I suspect not. What looks like coping on the outside can be a very different story inside. Confidence, bravery, courage, tend not to turn up before we need them, but only show themselves in hindsight
The last few years have been turbulent for me, with house moves, family conflict, bereavement, and relationship troubles. I didn’t feel particularly brave about having to navigate all of that; but I did draw down on the faith that I’ve spent a very long time cultivating. You see, in my experience, I don’t consider I have confidence in myself but rather in God. Whether it’s a question of the ground giving way under my feet, or just the simple being stared at for looking different, I know I have a God who loves me to bits and has promised not to change His mind about that. Brave or not, I’ll let Him do the heavy-lifting and not worry about the rest
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